Embracing the Seasons of Motherhood: A Journey of Transformation

I remember getting home with my first baby and realizing that this little human and I were now (joyfully?) stuck together for life. Who in their right mind had decided I could take this baby home, when I couldn’t even keep my apartment plants alive? Healthcare providers around me continued to focus on making sure this little creature made it (and I’m glad they did), but at no point was the conversation: “hey, you’ll change as much as they will; you may need support too.” Motherhood, much like the changing seasons, is a journey of deep transformation. As we watch our kids grow and evolve, we too undergo shifts and growth in our roles as mothers. There is wisdom that can be drawn from the ever-changing seasons and how beautifully they mirror the evolving experience of motherhood.

1. Embracing the Phases. Just as seasons change, so do the phases of motherhood. Embracing the evolving phases of motherhood with resilience and adaptability requires recognizing change as a constant. Just this week we had a conversation in our household of, “when will our toddler’s sleep look linear?” Wisely, my partner responded to me: “when yours does.” Touché! Setting realistic expectations for both ourselves and our children is essential, understanding that each phase brings unique challenges and milestones. Be kind to yourself and remember that flexibility and a willingness to adapt will be your greatest assets on this journey.

2. Letting Go Like Leaves in Fall. Much like trees release their leaves, we must let go of expectations and allow our children to grow and learn. Some practical tips:

(1) Foster a safe environment where your child can explore and make age-appropriate decisions, gradually allowing them more independence while ensuring their safety… and pick your battles! You may not let them learn how to get dressed fully independently in the morning if you have to run to work… but can we start with PJs?

(2) Encourage open communication so your child feels comfortable discussing their thoughts, feelings, and experiences with you, building trust in your guidance. You may not like what you are hearing, but, most of the time, knowledge is power… so trust me: you are betting in the loop than out of it.

(3) Recognize that mistakes (our kiddos and ours!) are valuable opportunities for learning and growth, and resist the urge to micromanage every aspect of your child's life, empowering them to develop their own problem-solving skills and independence. Natural consequences are a powerful, powerful teacher. My now 8yo and I would butt heads over homework when she started elementary school (and no, don’t get me started on homework in elementary school); at some point down the road, I decided that she is fully capable of doing the homework, and I am (as parent) responsible for facilitating the conditions for her to do homework, but I am NOT responsible for her to get it done. Now, I ask and encourage, but I will let her face her teacher if she chooses not to do the work (guess who is now amazing at doing homework, btw!?).

3. Nurturing Growth in Spring. Spring symbolizes renewal and growth. Some tips:

(1) Encourage your child's interests and hobbies by providing opportunities for exploration and learning in areas they're passionate about, whether it's art, sports, or science, fostering a sense of curiosity and self-discovery.

(2) Maintain open and constructive communication, actively listening to their thoughts and concerns, and offering guidance when needed, creating a safe and supportive environment for them to express themselves.

(3) Set achievable goals and celebrate their successes, no matter how small, to boost their self-esteem and motivation, while also teaching them the value of perseverance and resilience in the face of challenges.

4. Winter's Reflection. The stillness of winter allows us to reflect on our journey as mothers and plan for the future. To use moments of quiet reflection to strengthen your motherhood journey, allocate dedicated time each day for introspection. Your time of the day will not look like your friend’s or mine, nor should it. I am up at 5am for quiet time; that’s my thing. If yours is 11pm, then you do you. During this time, focus on your feelings, thoughts, and experiences as a mother without distractions. Reflect on both the challenges and the joys, and use these insights to enhance your self-awareness, emotional resilience, and personal growth as a parent.

5. Finding Balance like the Seasons. Just as seasons achieve balance during equinoxes, as moms, we must seek balance in their lives. Some tricks that can help:

(1) Create a well-structured daily schedule that designates specific blocks of time for work, family, and self-care. Efficient time management is key to achieving balance. We use Excel in our household, but you could use your phone or a paper planner.

(2) Clearly communicate your availability to both your workplace and family, ensuring that work stays at work and personal time remains sacred. Avoid the temptation to overextend yourself.

(3) Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Allocate time for activities that make you feel good, whether it's exercise, hobbies, or simply taking moments of quiet reflection. And BLOCK THEM in your planner. Nurturing your well-being is essential for maintaining a healthy work-life-motherhood balance.

6. Celebrating the Journey. As a woman of color, I am exceptionally good at not celebrating my successes. But in my own journey and in my work with clients, I’ve discovered how important it is to celebrate our journeys as moms with rituals and traditions that mark milestones and special moments. Some things I do now:

(1) Design special rituals around significant moments in my motherhood journey, such as a special meal on our kids’ first day of school. We just conquered potty training and had a (funny?) family dance for that. As a family, these help emphasize the importance of these milestones.

(2) Keep a journal to document these moments and the accompanying rituals. This not only preserves the memories but also provides a tangible way to revisit and cherish these experiences over time, especially for the kids who may not have access to the technology where we store our photos, for example.

(3) Encourage our children and partner to actively participate in creating and maintaining these traditions. Involving the entire family not only strengthens your connections but also makes these rituals even more meaningful and memorable.

To Sum Up…

Much like the changing seasons, motherhood is a journey filled with beautiful transformations. As our kids grow and evolve, we also will experience shifts in our role as mothers. Embrace these changes with an open heart and a deep understanding that each season of motherhood has its unique beauty and lessons to offer. With resilience, adaptability, and love, we can navigate the ever-evolving journey of motherhood with grace and joy.